Suzanne's, like, 25 totally awesomely randomly cool stuff that you probably didn't know about her

I keep seeing people's random 25 items on Facebook and thought that since I absolutely DESPISE Facebook and most of its members that I'd rather put my list of my totally awesome blog for you to read. Like, ENJOY!


1. I can only achieve orgasm when exercising on the Elliptical machine at the gym
2. I have a third nipple
3. Seeing plants make me vomit
4. I like to burn books in my spare time
5. Kissing boys makes me feel sick, so I only do it when dared.
6. I only use performance-enhancing drugs before I play Inter-mural sports with colleagues.
7. I only take showers before going to the gym.
8. I don’t actually ever go to the gym and therefore never take showers (or have orgasms- see number 1)
9. I have a not-so-secret HUGE crush on Aquaman
10. Drinking green tea makes my pee smell like lavender
11. My favorite colors are orange and green (see number 9)
12. I kancho’d Al Pacino (http://www.kancho.jp/)
13. I have 20 tattoos, one of which features a graphic re-enactment of the sinking of the Indianapolis where all the man-eating sharks are replaced with those most fucked up of animals that I fucking despise….BUTTERFLIES! Fuck you, butterflies!!! Fuck YOU!
14. I’ve never voted Democrat and… actually I’ve never voted period because it’s a pointless waste of time and never changes anything
15. I own 4 guns, one of which emits a sound that kills
16. I only kick dogs when I’m in a good mood.
17. One time during kindergarten naptime my teacher caught me masturbating which resulted in me having to sit at my desk with my head down during every naptime after that.
18. I only donate money to causes that feature celebrities I like
19. I just started a new diet that includes laxatives and plants (see number 3). Or even better, plants that ARE laxatives
20. My worst flaw is that I’m an incredibly generous, hubris-less individual who gives of herself selflessly to everyone I know in such a way that they come to believe me as the second coming of Christ.
21. I think babies smell like brie that’s been left out for 4-6 weeks in the summer sun of Arizona
22. I think English is the easiest language in the world to learn and I don’t understand why lazy foreigners can’t use it when they address me
23. I’m a pretty adamantly racist Scientologist who despises everyone of my “friends” on my Facebook profile with the exception of 3 or 4 (okay 3) people
24. If you’re wondering which one you are you’re probably not on my friend list:)
25. I hate getting drunk and think ALL alcoholics will burn in the ninth ring of Hell
26. I don't see why people think having 3 bottles of vodka with dinner makes ME a drunk