Caine is dead! What?!

I saw in a headline that David Carradine hanged himself in a Bangkok hotel- I promptly looked for the gotcha tag of it being a crazy, sick, twisted, fucked-up joke...I mean, really?! The Kung-Fu guy? THE Bill of Kill Bill? Jesus! I hate suicide and I always think about all the people dying on the planet who want to fucking live and how much I wish there could be an exchange system where someone who wants to commit suicide can trade places with a person who really didn't want to die horribly from an AIDs-related illness or malaria or whatnot. I selfishly take this position because my own dad died of leukemia and probably would've wanted to keep on living for a couple more years- AT LEAST to see me graduate college or something. Maybe to meet my brother's son Joey...so sad.

I'm particularly sad about him commiting suicide because I used to watch Kung Fu with my dad as well as Doctor Who...SO, if Tom Baker ever offs himself I'm going to be PISSED!

Why do people do this? Maybe he was dying of a terminal illness? That's kind of the only pass I give people a la Hunter S Thompson. Some people would rather go out with a bang than a wimper, I guess.

Medical treatment in Japan- aka The Elephant Woman speaks!

I'd like to take this opportunity to comment on how cheap medical treatment is in Japan compared to the US- or it has been for me so far. I had to go to the dentist for this tooth that's, frankly, been giving me a shitload of trouble for almost three years. I went Monday and Wednesday and although it was painful and has turned me into a bloated monster on the left side of my face this treatment will only, IN TOTAL, cost me about $250. This includes, painkillers and antibiotics that I've gotten for free from the dentist's office, as well as an X-ray and a complete root canal.

The funniest part is how serious everyone has been about the cost- about how expensive it will be for me and am I okay with that? I couldn't help it- I burst out laughing. When one of my wisdom teeth was bothering me right after I moved to DC, I had it pulled with almost no real care, a basic X-ray of just that tooth, and some antibiotics. It cost me $500 for about an hour's worth of work by a DC dentist. Highway fucking robbery. And if I wanted government medical care, just how many redwoods would I need to initial to make that deal with the Devil as well as how many pay stubs, references, background checks, etc? Utter bullshit!

The only real setback is the language barrier- of course! Monday is always my day off and I was expecting a quick jaunt to the dentist followed by dinner with my coworker Luke. Nope! They were pretty confused as was I as to what treatment I would receive and, thankfully, called Nozomi who DID have to work on Mondays. She translated that the same tooth was bothering me as had been for what seems like an eternity and so they got down to business. The problem was that my dentist back home fixed my tooth temporarily and was expecting me to come back for the rest of the treatment...BUT I quit my job with the good health insurance and then travelled, moved, travelled, Obama won, then moved again- blah, blah, blah...then Japan.

So, although I have swollen up to Renee Zellweger a la Cold Mountain proportions, it is only on the left side of my face and makes me look like a fucking freak. This has led to me taking a few days off to let the swelling go down and so as not to frighten the children. I am hoping I will look somewhat normal for my birthday this Sunday when I make soba with my coworkers.

Next stop: gynecologist- I wonder how Nozomi will feel about that one!

Look ma- I'm famous!

Will the real Suzanne please stand up?

So this post is a little late, but who am I kidding, they've ALL been late?

Anyway, I'd just like to thank the Academy, God and, oh yeah! my parents, for naming me Suzanne. Because really that's the ONLY reason I'm going to be on Japanese TV.

The scene: Friday night after work. I'm tired with hardly any make-up left after five classes (the last three of which are with children) and the tired expression of someone who needs food and sleep- in that order, because who eats after they're asleep? Sometimes my coworkers and I will go out after work to have a drink or dinner, but usually I get off work first and dip out to go to the gym so as to avoid as many calories as possible. I'm what people call "an emotional eater" and when that emotion is boredom I eat even more. It's great to live so close to a bustling city like Tokyo, but honestly it's quite a hike for me to get there and the metro shuts down around midnight. That makes being trapped in Tokyo until 5am a real possibility for someone like me who works until 8pm, takes at least an hour to get ready for any outing, and who is prone to alcoholic excesses. SO anyway, my coworkers and I decided to go to a very close restaurant about 2 blocks from my house called Kansai (named after a region in Japan) that specializes in a Japanese food called okonomiyaki- kind of a pancake that you can add various items like seafood or cheese that make it DElicious. Many restaurants in Japan seat you at your own table that's mostly a giant metal fry area where you can cook it yourself and so is pretty fun with a group of people.

So we were leaving work and for some reason my manager Ryota and our Japanese English teacher (JET) Nozomi were quite insistent that we needed to get to the restaurant for our reservation. Luke (the other Native English teacher) and I were puzzled at being hustled out, but didn't think too much of it. Once we left the mall, we walked behind the parking lot (the route I always take to get home) and saw a young woman approach us: "Are you the real Suzanne?" "Uh..." At this point I was in "HOLY SHIT" mode: how the fuck do I know this chick? Many, MANY times I have had drunken nights where I meet nice or interesting people or do really asinine things without remembering jackshit about it. And in Japan I had made more than a couple mistakes with a few women at the gym where I mistook one woman for another as well as seeing a couple of the gym staff out of their trainer clothing who noticed me and I was left stammering to stall for time while I remembered who the Hell they were?

And let me just add to this that she looked kind of crazy. I mean, huge bow in her hair, crazy earrings (one was a giant guitar and another with the word LOVE where it makes a giant square-shape), crazy pink dress and of course, asking me weird-ass questions. She was quite beautiful, though, and contrasted well with my make up-less, shaggy, haggard, horribly surprised expression. Let it be known that I won't be leaving the house or work again without make up.

So then I attempt first contact:
"Oh! HEEEEeeeeeyyyyyy- how are you?" HolyshitHolyshitHolyshitWhoareyouFUCKSHITDAMMIT!

Then she turned to my manager and started speaking Japanese- WTF?! THEN five guys and another girl (two of the guys with cameras that had bright lights attached) came over and then the first girl was standing to my right and the cameras were rolling. I turned to Nozomi with a look that must have been a mix of puzzlement and terror. So Nozomi said "She is very famous and her name is Suzanne. She's been waiting here to talk to you. She has been looking for you." Turns out she's a young Japanese idol with the stage name Suzanne, very famous and who has her own show. There was some contest to find the "real" Suzanne because her real name is Sae and not Suzanne. Anyway, she needed to find another real Suzanne within 24 hours to win this contest, which, by the way, earned her 1,000,000 yen- about $10,000. Of course, I only found out about this AFTER she left with her crew.

Anyway, she asked me a couple of questions (through my Japanese-speaking coworkers, of course), like:

Fake Suzanne: "Do you watch my show?"
Me: "Uh...YES! Of course!"
Fake Suzanne: "No really, do you watch my show?"
Me: "Sorry, I don't watch any TV and technically my television is under my futon to make room for my laptop. But I guess I could start watching your show."
She also wanted me to say "My name is Suzanne" in Japanese- THIS I actually know. And in between this exchange we also kind of goofed around pointing to each other and saying stupid shit about us having the same name. We also hugged a lot and had a group hug with my coworkers. As she was signing autographs for my manager I noticed a small crowd across the street forming who promptly shouted her name as she got into her production bus. That's when I realized that maybe she might be kind of famous and that I should Google her after dinner.

Since then my manager has put flyers up with the picture we took with her and also made handouts for our students. The show will air June 13th from 2-3pm here and I hope to get a copy from any of the various people who will record it.

So...thanks Mom for naming me Suzanne.