After much lazing about for the past couple of weeks focusing on "me" time, I've decided to return to you! I won't say there hasn't been much going on, just nothing that I'd say was earth shattering.
First, I did go to Korean BBQ with my student and found that he bucks most Japanese stereotypes about older Japanese people. He IS indeed pretty conservative, but not in the paying-for-the-$50-dollar-lunch-you-invited-me-to department. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a date, but usually when a Japanese person (especially a Japanese student who's pretty much getting a free English lesson with their lunch) invits you to a lunch there's somewhat of a protocol for them to pay. I brought money just in case and I'm glad I did because he might be one of the cheapest men I've ever met. Except where it comes to ordering almost everything on the menu. I have to admit that usually I'm pretty fine with living it up with a somewhat pricey meal, but it was the last week before my first real paycheck and I had all but spent almost all the money I had for the month. So needless to say I was somewhat annoyed when he only pulled out money enough for half the bill. D'oh!
Anyway, the meal was pretty good and somewhat interesting in that I had never eaten so much raw meats in my life. Of course, one of them was an accident, or really my host mistaking raw pork belly (supposed to be cooked) with raw beef (what I was SUPPOSED to eat). Eventually I got the raw beef too (and it was delicious), but eating raw pork belly was like chewing gum and then swallowing- blech! It made eating it cooked unappetizing as cooked pork belly doesn't really lose it's chewiness.
The weird part: I thought I would be horrified at eating such things, but now I'm like "Bring it ON, bitches!" I can't wait to go to SE Asia and eat some fucking BUGS! Except cockroaches, of course....disgusting fuckers....
I have resigned myself to being a better blogger- more comedy of errors to come...
and...
YES! Finally, Cracked has gotten on the bandwagon of stars in Japanese commercials! Although no sign of TLJs:
http://www.cracked.com/article_17080_8-humiliating-japanese-ads-starring-oscar-nominees.html
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
All better now that V-Day is behind me...
Okay, I won't even go into how happy I am I'm through being reminded of a certain Welshman now that Valentine's Day has come and gone. Onward and upwards...
Tomorrow I will eat Korean BBQ for the first time ever with one of my students. He's really interesting in that he's old school Japanese- he was a McCain supporter during the election and is pretty conservative compared to the rest of my Japanese students who have Obamamania like the rest of us pinko Commies!
Except for that it's pretty much the final countdown until my first REAL paycheck where I can then start living like a normal human being again. I have already started making a list of possible places I want to visit (including the US) for the year. I know I can make quite a few day trips and even weekend trips within Japan and probably even to China and South Korea.
If anyone has any ideas, please share....
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
FU V-Day!
First of all, I hope no one ACTUALLY took my 25 "random" things post seriously. I read a couple of online articles discussing the "viral" Facebook 25 random things about you and "Hey! Pass it along, friend" message that has been circulating for a few weeks now. I just don't happen to think that too much of a person's life is THAT random. Unless you're Donnie Darko...
Anyway, this week was kind of fun for me (even though I'm single this Valentine's Day) because I've been using work as a good outlet for romantic frustrations. Don't worry, dear readers, because I am NOT having a pity party. In fact, I find life in Japan to be pretty good so far for no other reason than I am making a livable wage for once. But it's been good to create some cute little hearts with my kids for Valentine's Day. My job has been pretty flexible with allowing me to use some of my creative imagination in my lesson planning and that will be my saving grace with teaching English and teaching in general (I hope). It definitely breaks up the monotony of just teaching lessons and playing target-themed games (the target is teacher speak for teaching the students about a certain subject for the class time aka today we will learn about zoo animals or today we'll learn about passive voice, etc). I think that crafts are a great way for me to get out some energy when the lesson planning gets too boring for my taste.
SO I've decided to add another hobby: sewing! Yay! Wait! WHAT? Sewing, but Suzanne, you HATE domestic shit? Yeah, I do, but after shopping around Tokyo for clothing, the largest size is a 10 (not quite there yet) and everything else that would fit me is for those with child. So after I receive my next paycheck I will be shopping for a sewing machine to make some (maybe) cool summer dresses that will fit me, since all the Japanese skinny bitch clothes will not.
I HAVE been a regular member of the gym since joining and tonight when I was about to walk out the door I noticed a ballet class that looks pretty awesome- yeah! ballet at the gym!
By the way, I've gotten to watch some Japanese TV as a result of being a somewhat captive audience at the gym (my TV at home has been stored away safely to make room on my desk for my trusty laptop). One commercial I saw last night that almost made me fall of the Elliptical machine shows a Japanese man about to kiss a Japanese woman, but as she closes her eyes we see him get close and then move slowly downward off screen right next to her. Then her eyes pop open in surprise- OMG! he's eating my ramen Cup of Noodles...Priceless!
Anyway, this week was kind of fun for me (even though I'm single this Valentine's Day) because I've been using work as a good outlet for romantic frustrations. Don't worry, dear readers, because I am NOT having a pity party. In fact, I find life in Japan to be pretty good so far for no other reason than I am making a livable wage for once. But it's been good to create some cute little hearts with my kids for Valentine's Day. My job has been pretty flexible with allowing me to use some of my creative imagination in my lesson planning and that will be my saving grace with teaching English and teaching in general (I hope). It definitely breaks up the monotony of just teaching lessons and playing target-themed games (the target is teacher speak for teaching the students about a certain subject for the class time aka today we will learn about zoo animals or today we'll learn about passive voice, etc). I think that crafts are a great way for me to get out some energy when the lesson planning gets too boring for my taste.
SO I've decided to add another hobby: sewing! Yay! Wait! WHAT? Sewing, but Suzanne, you HATE domestic shit? Yeah, I do, but after shopping around Tokyo for clothing, the largest size is a 10 (not quite there yet) and everything else that would fit me is for those with child. So after I receive my next paycheck I will be shopping for a sewing machine to make some (maybe) cool summer dresses that will fit me, since all the Japanese skinny bitch clothes will not.
I HAVE been a regular member of the gym since joining and tonight when I was about to walk out the door I noticed a ballet class that looks pretty awesome- yeah! ballet at the gym!
By the way, I've gotten to watch some Japanese TV as a result of being a somewhat captive audience at the gym (my TV at home has been stored away safely to make room on my desk for my trusty laptop). One commercial I saw last night that almost made me fall of the Elliptical machine shows a Japanese man about to kiss a Japanese woman, but as she closes her eyes we see him get close and then move slowly downward off screen right next to her. Then her eyes pop open in surprise- OMG! he's eating my ramen Cup of Noodles...Priceless!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Suzanne's, like, 25 totally awesomely randomly cool stuff that you probably didn't know about her
I keep seeing people's random 25 items on Facebook and thought that since I absolutely DESPISE Facebook and most of its members that I'd rather put my list of my totally awesome blog for you to read. Like, ENJOY!
1. I can only achieve orgasm when exercising on the Elliptical machine at the gym
2. I have a third nipple
3. Seeing plants make me vomit
4. I like to burn books in my spare time
5. Kissing boys makes me feel sick, so I only do it when dared.
6. I only use performance-enhancing drugs before I play Inter-mural sports with colleagues.
7. I only take showers before going to the gym.
8. I don’t actually ever go to the gym and therefore never take showers (or have orgasms- see number 1)
9. I have a not-so-secret HUGE crush on Aquaman
10. Drinking green tea makes my pee smell like lavender
11. My favorite colors are orange and green (see number 9)
12. I kancho’d Al Pacino (http://www.kancho.jp/)
13. I have 20 tattoos, one of which features a graphic re-enactment of the sinking of the Indianapolis where all the man-eating sharks are replaced with those most fucked up of animals that I fucking despise….BUTTERFLIES! Fuck you, butterflies!!! Fuck YOU!
14. I’ve never voted Democrat and… actually I’ve never voted period because it’s a pointless waste of time and never changes anything
15. I own 4 guns, one of which emits a sound that kills
16. I only kick dogs when I’m in a good mood.
17. One time during kindergarten naptime my teacher caught me masturbating which resulted in me having to sit at my desk with my head down during every naptime after that.
18. I only donate money to causes that feature celebrities I like
19. I just started a new diet that includes laxatives and plants (see number 3). Or even better, plants that ARE laxatives
20. My worst flaw is that I’m an incredibly generous, hubris-less individual who gives of herself selflessly to everyone I know in such a way that they come to believe me as the second coming of Christ.
21. I think babies smell like brie that’s been left out for 4-6 weeks in the summer sun of Arizona
22. I think English is the easiest language in the world to learn and I don’t understand why lazy foreigners can’t use it when they address me
23. I’m a pretty adamantly racist Scientologist who despises everyone of my “friends” on my Facebook profile with the exception of 3 or 4 (okay 3) people
24. If you’re wondering which one you are you’re probably not on my friend list:)
25. I hate getting drunk and think ALL alcoholics will burn in the ninth ring of Hell
26. I don't see why people think having 3 bottles of vodka with dinner makes ME a drunk
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Night of Fury continued...
Monday morning: nothing stirs as Suzanne packs her shit to go get her gaijin card (aka Alien registration card for living and working in Japan). While Ryota, Kara, and Luke sleep soundly, Suzanne tries to remember how to get to the Metro...
In the foreground you see rural (maybe community?) gardens and I even saw a pheasant wandering through the patches of vegetables. Everyone seems to have their own area for growing various things for personal use as I would think anything commercial would go on for acres. In the faint background you can see where I work: Aeon mall and then even further is the Saitama soccer stadium that held the 2002 World cup. To the right there's a lot of construction going on, but for what I'm not sure. This scene reminds me of my childhood back in Florida because when my family moved out to Land O' Lakes it was doing this same kind of rural/suburban straddle that now has too much suburban shit for my liking...
So I got on the bus okay to the Ward office (I was very proud of myself, thank you), BUT then got lost- OF COURSE! DAMMIT! And encountered my first real asshole since moving to Japan: a bus driver. What a dick this guy was! I got on the wrong bus, he basically waved me off when I showed him the address of the place I needed to go in Japanese, but he just pointed to the fare meter and then to the door. WTF? On the bright side there's something comical and reassuring in knowing that dickish bus drivers aren't just found in the good 'ole US of A. I take comfort in that fact, actually, and it leads me to a conclusion about bus drivers in general. You must have to be a schedule person to drive buses and if someone fucks with the schedule (as I was) then there's Hell to pay!
The good news is the last stop was at a Metro station and after a few minor mishaps I got home just fine....
I saw this advertisement on the side of a drink vending machine. I mean, what the fuck is that expression his face because it doesn't look like happiness....constipation maybe? If I were Suntory I'd ask for my fucking money back.
Once I got home I had forgotten that I bought some cool shit in the days before while bored and killing time in between classes. Including some cool hashi (chopsticks)...
OWLS! Aren't they the coolest?
So after unpacking my stuff and de-compressing a little from the intense craziness that happened the night before I set out to the Midori Ward office that takes care of official business for Urawa Misono residents. As I walked, I tried to take in my neighborhood because my daily routine doesn't really give me a chance to see where I live. Even though my neighborhood is just outside of Tokyo it's still very rural and the people there have pretty big houses compared with the relative closets in Tokyo. This picture says it all:
In the foreground you see rural (maybe community?) gardens and I even saw a pheasant wandering through the patches of vegetables. Everyone seems to have their own area for growing various things for personal use as I would think anything commercial would go on for acres. In the faint background you can see where I work: Aeon mall and then even further is the Saitama soccer stadium that held the 2002 World cup. To the right there's a lot of construction going on, but for what I'm not sure. This scene reminds me of my childhood back in Florida because when my family moved out to Land O' Lakes it was doing this same kind of rural/suburban straddle that now has too much suburban shit for my liking...
So I got on the bus okay to the Ward office (I was very proud of myself, thank you), BUT then got lost- OF COURSE! DAMMIT! And encountered my first real asshole since moving to Japan: a bus driver. What a dick this guy was! I got on the wrong bus, he basically waved me off when I showed him the address of the place I needed to go in Japanese, but he just pointed to the fare meter and then to the door. WTF? On the bright side there's something comical and reassuring in knowing that dickish bus drivers aren't just found in the good 'ole US of A. I take comfort in that fact, actually, and it leads me to a conclusion about bus drivers in general. You must have to be a schedule person to drive buses and if someone fucks with the schedule (as I was) then there's Hell to pay!
The good news is the last stop was at a Metro station and after a few minor mishaps I got home just fine....
One for the road...
I saw this advertisement on the side of a drink vending machine. I mean, what the fuck is that expression his face because it doesn't look like happiness....constipation maybe? If I were Suntory I'd ask for my fucking money back.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
OMG- Did that really just happen? (aka Night of Fury!)
This night started and ended great! BUT in the middle something profoundly fucked up happened. Let me begin....
Sunday night: First I met up with my Japanese Manager Ryota (we call him "Mahnahjeh) and the newest member of my school from San Diego, Luke. The three of us went to the store (kind of like a kickass Dollar store), and then to an izakaya (Japanese bar). I tried some really good shochu (It's kind of like less potent vodka, I guess), but it was jasmine flavored and really awesome! Then I tried some other various dishes, but the main event for me was basashi (horsemeat). Sorry to my vegetarian/PETA friends but Mr Ed is fucking delicious. That's me in the first picture eating it. Then we were met at the izakaya by the fourth member of our party, Kara from New Hampshire. Kara's become one of two of my friends that I've made and love to talk to and go out with since moving here (the other being Robert's friend Kenyetta). I love these ladies! They bring the wild outta me:)
So after getting sufficiently liquored up, we left and started to walk towards the Metro station. Then we start talking about more food that I should try (I love these discussions!) and decided to stop by a Mos Burger (I guess it's kind of like a healthier burger joint where you can get various types of "burgers"). I got a shrimp burger for later because we kind of knew this would be an all nighter.
So this is where it gets weird: we were walking to the station and as we get on the first of two sets of escalators there are two older Japanese guys- one who's CLEARLY very fucked up and another trying to coax him away from the base of the escalator where we were about to get off. We laughed to ourselves, got through the turn styles with our Metro cards (very similar to DC, by the way) and make our way down the second, much longer escalator. We make our way down, start chatting, laughing, "Oh that's so funny, blah, blah...I'm such a drunkard" THUMP!THUMP! (about 10 more of those). Moan, moan, moan....
Holy shit, dude, did that really just happen? Some drunk fucker fell down the escalator.
Mahnahjeh: There is blood.
Me: FUCK!
Blood was starting to pool next to his head- we all looked at each other in horror and then I remembered "hey Suzanne you asshole- first aid training? helLO!" So Ryota and I rush over to him just as his stupid fucking co-workers run to him and go to try to pick him up- I think. The guy isn't really moving, he looks a little twisted, and isn't really saying much. "DON'T TOUCH HIM!" I finally screamed at them-in English- so they back off because I guess they realized the crazy white lady might do them harm. Then I took off my scarf to try to put near what I thought might be the head wound not realizing it's the ridiculously awesome mud scarf Nelia brought back for me from Africa. DOUBLE FUCK!
At this point I just started barking orders like an asshole- poor Ryota- he deserves a medal for dealing with me. He was trying to translate, but basically it was crazy all around. Thankfully the guy was somewhat coherent although I couldn't understand anything he was saying. Luke, who speaks pretty good Japanese from what I hear, told me later that the guy kept saying he was in pain. I think that's a good sign: not dead? Check! Not paralyzed? Hmmmm...maybe? Bleeding? DEFINITELY! All over my awesome scarf and later I realized on my hoodie and all over my hands and left arm.
Once the paramedics arrived I knew we could leave and the Metro police were nice enough to let me wash my bloodied hands in their sink. Nelia, girl, I had to trash your scarf because there was no going back for that baby. Then we made our way to Luke's house for Wii Beer Pong (It DOES exist!) and Wii bowling. And MAN! did I need a drink after that...
(Kool and the gang playing drunken Wii Beer Pong)
The last big event for the night was a trip to Don Quihotes (I'm not sure if it's spelled like that on purpose or if it's another Engrish moment). At this point we're hammered, but why stop now? Must. Buy. More. Alcohol. Before we left I stepped into the 'ole b-room and as I was leaving I realized- WHAT?! I just wiped my ass with Hello Kitty! Yep! I'm not sure if I'm more disturbed that you CAN wipe your ass with Hello Kitty or the fact that a GUY has it in his bathroom- guys would you buy that for your bathroom?
So we walk over there with me right behind Kara and as soon as we're in the store (with very narrow aisles, by the way) she takes off running so that now she and I are playing a drunken, dangerous game of tag near many breakable things. It was awesome!
So we got some more liquor, some snacks, and some weird candy chocolate things Luke insisted we "try." Uh- I don't know about you, but when someone says that they KNOW it's something fucked up and just want to see the expression on your face when you eat it. BUT- had we been sober....
So these chocolates seem normal until you realize it's kind of like a chocogame where everyone takes a piece and out of a seven piece bag three are chocolate filled with jalapeno peppers. Wait- what? So who got the first ones, Ryota and I- DAMN! Who got the last one? Ryota! Awww...evil gaijin fuckers strike again....
(I am angry Japanese man- hear me ROAR, bitches)
Then we all passed out.......................................................................................................
Awwwwwwwwwwww.......
Sunday night: First I met up with my Japanese Manager Ryota (we call him "Mahnahjeh) and the newest member of my school from San Diego, Luke. The three of us went to the store (kind of like a kickass Dollar store), and then to an izakaya (Japanese bar). I tried some really good shochu (It's kind of like less potent vodka, I guess), but it was jasmine flavored and really awesome! Then I tried some other various dishes, but the main event for me was basashi (horsemeat). Sorry to my vegetarian/PETA friends but Mr Ed is fucking delicious. That's me in the first picture eating it. Then we were met at the izakaya by the fourth member of our party, Kara from New Hampshire. Kara's become one of two of my friends that I've made and love to talk to and go out with since moving here (the other being Robert's friend Kenyetta). I love these ladies! They bring the wild outta me:)So after getting sufficiently liquored up, we left and started to walk towards the Metro station. Then we start talking about more food that I should try (I love these discussions!) and decided to stop by a Mos Burger (I guess it's kind of like a healthier burger joint where you can get various types of "burgers"). I got a shrimp burger for later because we kind of knew this would be an all nighter.
So this is where it gets weird: we were walking to the station and as we get on the first of two sets of escalators there are two older Japanese guys- one who's CLEARLY very fucked up and another trying to coax him away from the base of the escalator where we were about to get off. We laughed to ourselves, got through the turn styles with our Metro cards (very similar to DC, by the way) and make our way down the second, much longer escalator. We make our way down, start chatting, laughing, "Oh that's so funny, blah, blah...I'm such a drunkard" THUMP!THUMP! (about 10 more of those). Moan, moan, moan....
Holy shit, dude, did that really just happen? Some drunk fucker fell down the escalator.
Mahnahjeh: There is blood.
Me: FUCK!
Blood was starting to pool next to his head- we all looked at each other in horror and then I remembered "hey Suzanne you asshole- first aid training? helLO!" So Ryota and I rush over to him just as his stupid fucking co-workers run to him and go to try to pick him up- I think. The guy isn't really moving, he looks a little twisted, and isn't really saying much. "DON'T TOUCH HIM!" I finally screamed at them-in English- so they back off because I guess they realized the crazy white lady might do them harm. Then I took off my scarf to try to put near what I thought might be the head wound not realizing it's the ridiculously awesome mud scarf Nelia brought back for me from Africa. DOUBLE FUCK!
At this point I just started barking orders like an asshole- poor Ryota- he deserves a medal for dealing with me. He was trying to translate, but basically it was crazy all around. Thankfully the guy was somewhat coherent although I couldn't understand anything he was saying. Luke, who speaks pretty good Japanese from what I hear, told me later that the guy kept saying he was in pain. I think that's a good sign: not dead? Check! Not paralyzed? Hmmmm...maybe? Bleeding? DEFINITELY! All over my awesome scarf and later I realized on my hoodie and all over my hands and left arm.
Once the paramedics arrived I knew we could leave and the Metro police were nice enough to let me wash my bloodied hands in their sink. Nelia, girl, I had to trash your scarf because there was no going back for that baby. Then we made our way to Luke's house for Wii Beer Pong (It DOES exist!) and Wii bowling. And MAN! did I need a drink after that...
(Kool and the gang playing drunken Wii Beer Pong)The last big event for the night was a trip to Don Quihotes (I'm not sure if it's spelled like that on purpose or if it's another Engrish moment). At this point we're hammered, but why stop now? Must. Buy. More. Alcohol. Before we left I stepped into the 'ole b-room and as I was leaving I realized- WHAT?! I just wiped my ass with Hello Kitty! Yep! I'm not sure if I'm more disturbed that you CAN wipe your ass with Hello Kitty or the fact that a GUY has it in his bathroom- guys would you buy that for your bathroom?
So we walk over there with me right behind Kara and as soon as we're in the store (with very narrow aisles, by the way) she takes off running so that now she and I are playing a drunken, dangerous game of tag near many breakable things. It was awesome!
So we got some more liquor, some snacks, and some weird candy chocolate things Luke insisted we "try." Uh- I don't know about you, but when someone says that they KNOW it's something fucked up and just want to see the expression on your face when you eat it. BUT- had we been sober....
So these chocolates seem normal until you realize it's kind of like a chocogame where everyone takes a piece and out of a seven piece bag three are chocolate filled with jalapeno peppers. Wait- what? So who got the first ones, Ryota and I- DAMN! Who got the last one? Ryota! Awww...evil gaijin fuckers strike again....
(I am angry Japanese man- hear me ROAR, bitches)Then we all passed out.......................................................................................................
Awwwwwwwwwwww.......
Fin
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