Do NOT trust this woman!

It's been an eventful day so far:

First, I was woken up at 6:50am in a "What the fuck?" moment when I realized my bed was SHAKING to and fro. Yep! I experienced my first mini-earthquake today, folks! At least I THINK it was an earthquake. Either that or the ridiculous amount of wind outside shook my apartment complex. But no, I'm pretty sure it was an earthquake. "God, Suzanne, man UP!" you might be thinking. But HEY I come from the Gulf coast where my tragedies of childhood were tornadoes, hurricanes, and scary trailer trash. Not that it was at all like I expected. It wasn't like in the movies where shit's falling off the walls and people are screaming while they run to brace themselves in bathtubs and in doorways. Nope! But just to make sure I wasn't totally crazy I tried to look on the Japan Times website (it's in English) for info on the "quake," but I guess unless it's an earthquake the destroys entire cities and kills 10,000 people it's really just another Sunday for Japanese folks.

AND, for those of you who checked my new Facebook status, I joined a Japanese gym yesterday with my patient and sweet manager translating for me. It wasn't a bed of roses for him either. It was page after page of almost ALL Japanese writing and then a tragicomic moment of the gym rep "explaining" everything to him and then him just turning to me and....sigh. Maybe two or three words and then "I tell you later". It was SOOOOO Lost in Translation when Bill Murray's given directions for his commercial and the translator says two words after about five minutes of Japanese. HILARIOUS! Poor manager- he must have been at his wits end by the end of it. Especially the part where the paper asked for all of my medical info- "Shit! SHIT!" he must have been thinking...but, you know, in Japanese. But we got through it okay.

THEN! THEN...I tried to buy him lunch as a Thank you. Another "What the fuck?" moment. He refused and refused and refused. I mean, we're not talking candlelit $100 dinner- it was octopus balls that were about 5 bucks. Finally I got pretty angry and said "You will EAT these octopus balls and you'll LIKE them and you WON'T PAY!" He let me, but DAMN! it was like I asked him to marry me. Then, "I pay next time, I pay next time..." Okay, dude, really- I won't fight with you. So polite it's frightening sometimes...

Sunday: happy happy gym time!

Today I actually went to the gym for "orientation" with another rep and she was SO cute. She tried so hard to keep everything easy for me even though there were two other people in this orientation. I just didn't know how to explain to her that this was, like, the TENTH gym I've joined and once you've seen one chest press, you've seen them all. The other hilarious part was my two other newbies: a young guy (who was as big as my forearm) and a young girl (wearing makeup TO THE GYM! WTF? I get it that in Japan a woman isn't a "WOMAN" until she starts wearing make up, but how attractive is it to have mascara running into your eyes while you're working out? Of course, I'm assuming they sweat like me: a pig!). So while the other two were using the least amount of weight the cute rep comes over and "More weight?" "Yes, please." "More weight?" "Yep." "MORE?" I thought it might be a dead giveaway that me being a foot taller than everyone else as well as about 100 pounds heavier that I could probably do more than 20 pounds on the leg press. Yikes! "Uh, next time, maybe more?" "Uh...YEaaah."

Anyway, after much ado to make sure I was understanding how to use the equipment it was time for all of us to be left to the aerobic machine of our choice. The other two picked the running machine of death (treadmills= EVIL for me) and I went to my lovely machine the "cross trainer" aka Elliptical machine. SO my cuddly trainer accompanied me to make sure I knew how to use the buttons correctly, but I was amazed at the features. Everyone gets their own TV AND headphones with clean ear muff thingies to be picked up in one bin and then placed in the "used" bin right next to it- I think! So this was my chance to try to explain who I was and that she was going to see a lot of me in the future as I've decided I can't sleep very well if I don't exercise regularly. PLUS, how am I going to get to keep eating like the piggie I am if I don't work out? Well, I think maybe the trainer got the point in my broken Japanglish, but maybe not...There are no definites yet in Suzanne's happy happy Japan world.

PS- Brangelina are in Tokyo with their 200 kids promoting Brad's "Ben Button" movie- GOD I hate these people. First of all, set in New Orleans with the looming Hurricane Katrina? Fuck YOU, Brad! My NOLA friends told me that when the exalted ones are in NOLA with their bazillion kids there's a spectacle everywhere they go and that the other parents at the private school where they send their kids for the five minutes they're in NOLA are told "Don't look at the stars..." FUCK YOU, Brad and Angie! When I lived in NOLA I don't remember ever hearing your names associated with the city until after...yeah, Katrina. How about respecting people who actually live there by staying the fuck away or just not being colossal asswipes? Okay rant over...

Happy Sunday!

AHHHH! Get that taint outta my face!

People thought I was being irrational when I said I was nervous about trying fugu (potentionally fatal blowfish) BUT here it is in black and white and read all over:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090127/wl_asia_afp/japanhealthpoisonfish_20090127103708

"Blowfish poison scare returns to Japan"

I will admit that I'm not afraid to eat most things: bugs, alligator, turtle, snake, elk, bison (mmm, bison), but I have a caveat to this: I won't eat things that are (or almost are) endangered (whale meat and shark fin soup). Also, I won't eat something that might KILL ME!

Okay, rant over.


I saw an interesting article posted about how various photos of W over the past eight years have cast various shades of him. It also goes on to discuss how the photos may or may not have shaped certain aspects of his presidency among supporters and detractors:

http://morris.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/mirror-mirror-on-the-wall/

This leads me to a weird conclusion: in retrospect, now that Obama has been safely elected and inaugurated, will Little Shrub become a somewhat tragic figure in the future? I ask only because it seems like his persona has a lot of hubris, yes, but he still doesn't carry the uber-shitbaggery of attitude that I despise in his VP DICK... or even in Rumsfeld, and especially Karl Satan Rove.
But I do take issue with his frat boyish outlook and the way he seemed to have tried to coast by like he has throughout the rest of his life.


Anyway, this week of work is going to be interesting for me as all of my kids' classes were cancelled so that we could have a make up week. I hate to say it, as I've only been here less than a month, but I was ready for a break. I guess I'm getting old. I still have my adult students, though, and I'm getting used to my routine and rather liking it. It seems reassuring to have pretty steady work and pay as everything seems to crumble around the world. I don't know if this means I have absolute job security, but it feels safe for now.

And this week marks two weeks since I applied for my official Alien registration card or gaijin card as it seems more fondly referred to here. And, per usual ce moi, I'm already planning my vacations for the year. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that I don't have too much time, but because many cool Asian cities are well within my fingertips I can probably take a lot of mini-vacations this year and then one or two MEGA-vacations. I'm pretty sure one of the mega-vacations will be to FINALLY visit Kelly in Africa. It's been a long time coming, folks, and it's time to see my soul sista because we just keep missing each other. I'm just trying to make sure it's a visit to Kelly in Cameroon and NOT a visit to Kelly in Congo. Yep! THAT Congo...

The other mega-vacation will probably take place around Christmas time because I get about a full week and I could probably save up a couple more days for good measure. I really want to spend New Year's in DC for 2010 and also because I'm dying to see what post-W DC looks like. There's a big part of me that feels like I didn't give DC enough of a chance, frankly, but again it mostly came down to money. That place is fucking expensive! And I was getting paid shit there. Also, it just seemed so dismal to live there while W was in office. BUT my friend Chad said he lived in Dcduring the Clinton years and that it was SO much different from when W took over. So maybe DC's now full of hot, young Dem's? I need updates people...

And one for the road:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Pop-up-Photograph

First post

So this is my first official post since I've moved to Japan. I have been informed that some people are interested in what I'm up to and I so intend to give my fans what they deserve: exciting posts a la Suzanne. Commence Suzanne's blog- I have now become a "blogger"- fuck!